Halloween may still be months away. And you find the idea of dressing up in a costume to go out in public and garner the favor of strangers galling.
Yet, that is exactly what we all do, everyday. We “put on our best face”, “dress for success” and “take on the world. The truth is, we are all insecure (and some would say we’re conditioned to be this way from an early age). It’s in the way we are raised. In generations gone by, stepping out of your cultural norms or expectations could lead to public shaming. Of course this only works if you care about what others think.
There’s a school of thought that says this desire for getting other people’s approval is hardwired in us from the days we had a tribal culture when it was a struggle just to stay alive. Here, being in everyone’s good graces meant you had the protection and resources of the group to help you live another day.
We remain affected by this desire today. We are still under a lot of pressure to make sure we are well received by strangers, whether it’s a job interview or a first date. If we completely tank, on an emotional level, we feel that loss, that primal pain of not being accepted, deeply, as though those tribal conditions still existed.
Unfortunately, this emotional angst pops up continually in our dating lives. We have given it much more authority than it deserves in our modern times and even tied it in how we perceive ourselves. Many of us, fueled by this innate desire to be accepted, are prone to bargaining away the very thing that others find attractive about us.
When we attempt to trade our power in a relationship for acceptance, we present a less than desirable picture of who and what we are. The situation reeks of someone who does not value themselves and feels they have to resort to bribery to gain affection. Do Not let this be you. You’re better than that. I know you are.
The mask you want to wear; the portrait you want to convey, the one that turns heads, is one of cavalier disregard balanced with an up-beat attitude, a positive outlook, self-determined action, an insatiable curiosity about the world & the people in it, and a fixed determination to accomplish the goals you have decided are worthwhile.
Show the world this is the person you are and they will “beat down your door” to meet you.