It’s about a week after the big break-up and you are an emotional wreck. You haven’t spoken to one another since “the incident”, which is a real shame because you just realized how much you miss hearing his/her voice. You’re head hurts from all the conflicting thoughts bucking and bashing against each other. It’s late, really late, too late to still be awake, when you suddenly get a flash that everything will be alright if you just call. Don’t!
There is no quick fix when it comes to getting your Ex back. Take a step back and properly assess the situation. Right now you need to give your Ex needs some “space”. And as much as you want to profess your love and tell them your sorry, they’re just not in the headspace to hear it and crowding him/her will only push them further away.
So what can you do?
Firstly: Don’t text and don’t call for a while. If you bump into to each other, be friendly. Don’t bring up what happened. If your ex does, it may mean they’re ready to really talk or more likely they just want to vent (in which case, keep your composure and listen).
Anything you say to him/her right now is probably not going to be believed, so you need to take action, and get your point across by doing things that show them how much you care. You’re likely to get a lot of resistance….at first. A point will come when they start to actually hear what you are saying. How long that will take, however, is anybody’s guess. It could be a couple of weeks or a couple of years or possibly never.
Secondly: Keep things light and easy in your conversations and activities. As he/she starts healing emotionally, they’ll naturally start gravitating back to you and you could even see glimpses of the “old them” when you are out having fun together. This is not the time to tell him/her you want to be a couple again. They’re still getting use to the idea that they can be emotionally safe with you. Give it another three to four months before you spring it on them.
Thirdly: Trust is kinda like Virginity. Once it’s gone, there’s really not much you can do to get it back. It’s going to take a lot of patience and effort to even get close to having what you had with him/her. But, if you can work your way back to friends, then there’s a chance you can work your way back to lovers.
Keep your interactions light, don’t get too emotional and understand it’s a long road ahead to rebuild the trust you once shared.