Q. In your experience, how does
counselling help end an abusive relationship?
A. In my observation counselling
reduces abusive interaction by:
Q. What do you do to solve
communication problems in marriages?
A. I will use some of the following:
Q. How can you help us with a
A. I will:
Q. How can we achieve deeper levels of intimacy?
A. You may find that though
counselling, by improving listening to one another; by better
understanding of one another, by resolving conflicts together and by
gaining emotional freedom that you will start to become more open and
emotionally present to one another. This allows more satisfactory
communication and more rewarding intimacy.
Q. I don't believe that my partner is
the right person for me. I no longer love them. We are not suited. We
have become enemies. How will professional counselling make any difference?
A. It is normal in a committed
couple relationship to begin to see our partner as our enemy. "If
they would change, I would be happy," we think. We are pulled
to look for love and understanding elsewhere. We are at risk for adultery.
we get in to the promised land of faithful covenant Christian
marriage we may encounter giants from our past in what we see and
experience in our partner. Issues of great significance from our past
do need to be resolved. This is best done with a counsellor who is
familiar with healing issues of heart and spirit.
When you are
empty inside it may mean that what I call "core issues"
need to be dealt with. It may not all be your partner.
When we do
not like to admit that we have faults or face our negative
possibilities, we tend to blame our partner. Best to take Jesus'
advice and take the log out of your own eye. If the "log"
is blocking your perspective, then the counselling process can be the
least painful of facing it.
relationship there are stages to entering into real unity. Scott Peck
outlines three steps before we reach unity. That means that it is
normal to enter into periods of conflict and power struggle. You are
each trying to be right, or set the agenda, or make the other better.
Counselling will help if you are willing to face the fact that some
of these behaviours are preventing you from reaching community.
Sometimes our partner looks like the worse aspects
of our mother or father. This is hard to love. But it is not all your
partner's fault. You are more likely to feel pain from behaviour that
hurts in the place of unhealed issues. Your own expectation of that
this pain will occur also acts upon your partner to bring out of them
the very beahviour you hate. They need to take responsibility for
their behaviour but you may find that healing up your own wounded
heart may help reduce this type of pain in your relationship.
inevitable that your partner will remind you of your childhood
issues; will seem more and more like your childhood abuser.
Guaranteed. Your perceptions, beliefs, feelings and reactions toward
your partner are being powerfully shaped by your unresolved childhood
issues. You will experience again what you experienced before - until
you overcome the enemy within. To it does not all depend on your
partner. You can help your marriage by seeking healing for the issues
of your heart.
Your partner is in
the same process of seeing their worse fears, deepest hurts and
unresolved issues being fulfilled in you. Their perception of you,
understanding of you, feelings toward you will be deeply and
fundamentally based on past experience until "past
experience" is dealt with. Professionals who use prayer therapy
inner healing will help in this process.