Individual and Couples Counselling

Individual and Couples Counselling from Shari Bender

By: Shari Bender  12-11-2012
Keywords: Counselling Services, Anxiety Counselling, Depression Counselling

Despite our best efforts, we get stuck in unsatisfying patterns. We may be flooded and overwhelmed by our anxieties, our fearfulness, our anger. Or we may feel numb and disconnected from the people and loved ones in our lives. We may be unaccountably stalled, indecisive, and unable to move forward. Events may happen that disturb us, shake us up or turn our lives upside down. Or the stress and pressure of ongoing circumstance grinds us down or sours our lives. Here our usual ways of coping, of finding equilibrium, of “getting by”, don’t work. Or we may manage in one area of our life; for example, our work, while our personal life unravels or feels dead. And here is where therapy can help. • I can help you build or strengthen your capacity to notice what you are thinking, what emotions you are feeling and what body sensations you are experiencing. As this awareness develops, we can explore ways that you can do it differently. Possibilities include ways to manage or control your thoughts and self talk and ways to express and contain your emotions. Or it can be helpful to learn somatic skills such as grounding, centering and containment. These skills help us manage big emotions such as anger, fear, sadness or shame. As well these skills help us manage states of high arousal such as panic or terror. With these resources you will be more able to be present in your experience rather than being overwhelmed or feeling that you are too much for other people. • I can help you become aware of stuck patterns, old beliefs and ways that you may get locked into unsatisfying dynamics in your relationships. For example, one kind of relationship pattern is where we lose our impulse to connect or withdraw from more intimate connection even though we are searching for someone with whom to share our life. Conversely we may find ourselves endlessly and urgently seeking contact. Either pattern may, at some point in time, become unsatisfying or unsustainable. • I can help you when current day events trigger intense reactions and/or physical symptoms that might seem unrelated or out of proportion to what actually happened. In this situation often what happened in present day rests on the platform of earlier experience. Consequently the intensity of our reaction may be considerable and that may unsettle or confuse us. The therapeutic work then becomes unpacking; separating these present day events from past events by creating a safe enough space to acknowledge the feelings, thoughts, or beliefs from the past that might be shaping us in the present, often in a quite unconscious way. • I can help you strengthen your sense of personal power or inner authority so that you can find the choices and actions that feel right and congruent for yourself. The work is to find the right-size steps, the bite-size bits so that we can digest the new learnings and integrate the changes into our lives in a sustainable way without feeling overwhelmed or inadequate. The work is to help build resilience and capacity to deal with the daily challenges as well as the high stress events that can disrupt our lives. The work is to find more ease, more flow, more fullness in our connections to ourselves and to other people be they our life partners, our children, our work colleagues, our friends.

Keywords: Anxiety Counselling, Counselling Services, Couples Counselling, Depression Counselling, Grief Counselling, Psychologist Vancouver

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Family and Child Therapist from Shari Bender thumbnail
12-11-2012

Family and Child Therapist

Shari Bender is a family and child therapist, helping parents and children come into a more satisfying relationship with themselves and each other.